"I Love..." Mondays: Friends

     It's still Monday.  I could swear I'm sitting here on Tuesday night but it just isn't true.  Today was Joshua's first FULL day at Autism House and he did great.  The kid is just a natural school-goer.  Apparently the routine of it all sits very well with him because he has even been in a better mood once he's home.  The first thing they have been working with him on is sitting at the table and doing his 'work'.  He started off only sitting for seven minutes at a time and now they already have him worked up to thirty.  He isn't a huge fan of the arts and crafts but he's gotten better and more compliant with that too.  I am just thrilled and so excited he's adjusting so well. It is absolutely answered prayer.

     Monday is becoming a real Monday to me now that I have to get up and get Joshua to school.  It's turned back into that day I dread because it means I have to set an alarm clock.  But it is also now a day that has one specific task connected to it and that's an "I Love..." post.  Today I asked myself what do I really, really love?  If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I love my friends.  Well, I mean after knowing that I love my husband and my babies but I'm pretty sure y'all know that by now.  So, friends it is.  Here are some things I love about my friends.

• Laughing.  I LOVE to laugh and could probably write a post about that too but no one makes me laugh like my girls so it's hard to separate the two.  I think I am friends with some of the funniest people ever and each of them have their own specific brand of hilarity.  If you can make me laugh, you've got me.
• Inside jokes.  Yes, I know it goes along with laughing and yes, I know they can be very annoying when you aren't 'in' on them...BUT.  There's something to be said for laughing so hard about something that you continue to laugh about it for months or years to come, even when it's a little out of context or no one else around you has any clue what is so funny.  
• Memories.  Which is really all inside jokes are.  It's a connector, reminding you that you've shared your life with someone else.  The good parts and bad parts.  
• Girl talk.  I grew up being more of a tomboy, which is a trait I've somewhat retained, but I've always loved some good girl talk.  IF I knew I could trust all involved to not let it leave that room.  You've got something good if you have someone you can talk to about anything, everything, and nothing.  
• Food.  To go along with the girl talk.
• Reliability.  It's so important in a good, long-lasting friendship, but a little hard to come by.  People you know you can call if you need something, no matter what.
• Getting to be real.  My favorite part in a friendship is when you pass the super polite/nice stage and start picking on each other.  If I can make fun of you without offending you, then we're friends.  If I can tell you the pair of shoes you just picked up in the store are hideous, then we're friends.  If I feel comfortable enough at your house to rummage through the fridge and pantry, then we're friends.
• Nicknames.  I'm realizing that most of my friends right now have one.  And the ones that don't are probably about to get one.  
• Honesty.  "Am I being a jerk?"  "Yes, you are." 
• Secrets.  And not the "mean kind", Joy says.  I love having people who know me.  The past, the present, the deep stuff, and the...not so deep stuff that's just fun to giggle about.
• The distance-doesn't-matter friends.  When you can keep in touch on the internet and phone or even maybe not talk for months and then pick up right where you left off, you've got something special.
• No-reciprocation-needed Favors.  I can buy your lunch and you don't have to pay me back.  You babysit my kids and I don't have to pay you.  Doing things for each other just because you care about each other and that's what family does.  Because really...
• They're like family.  A hand-picked, dysfunctional, unconditional-loving, loud, hungry, hilarious family.

It's happening.

     I've been listening to myself a little closer lately and I'm beginning to realize how much like a mom I sound.  Not just because of typical sayings, but perceptions too.  When I hear a story, when someone wants to make plans, when I consider politics...everything has a mom undercurrent in my brain.  I'm only bringing this up because it's so unlike me.  Well...it's so unlike the pre-children me and the basest form of me.  But I'll get back to that part later.
     The thing I've heard myself saying the most lately is, "It's happening."  Let me use a hypothetical/probably-already-happened-before situation to illustrate.
     I am attempting to get the boys ready to leave the house.  It's finally time for me to put Joshua's shoes on him.  He resists.  I continue to chase his foot around with a sock.  He whines and continues to refuse.  I say something like, "Joshua, we are going to put your shoes on before we leave the house.  It's happening.  You can throw a fit all you want, but the shoes are happening."  Occasionally this is followed by another saying, "Those are the rules."  It also works for Caleb trying to squirm away every single time I change his diaper.  I've tried explaining to him that until he learns how to use the potty this is just going to be a fact of life he has to get used to, but he's not swayed by my logic.  Either that or he's 17 months old and has no clue what I'm saying to him.  It's one or the other.
     I would like to point out though, that I'm not as strict as that scenario might have led you to believe.  There have been plenty of times I've decided to let him win the shoe battle and concede to just putting the shoes on before we get out of the car to go into whatever the destination may be.  Many of you may be thinking that I should be consistent with my discipline.  And you're right.  But if there is one thing I have learned so far in having a special needs child, it's that parenthood doesn't always go the way you envisioned it before you actually had children.  Before I had kids, I was in the, "I'll never let my kids..." group.  Before Joshua's delays set in I was also in the highly populated, "If he was mine, I would..." group.  But that was before the immaturity and arrogance got slapped out of me by reality.  I don't have the luxury of teaching typical discipline, and yes, it IS a luxury.  All the things I thought I would solve with a butt whippin', can't be solved that way anymore.  I could spank Joshua until someone called CPS on me (which, for the record I would not do), he still isn't going to sit still in a chair (without entertainment) in a waiting room.  I've also figured out that while he does understand the word 'no' to an extent, he doesn't always obey right away or without prompting and it almost never sticks in his mind that he isn't allowed to do it anymore.  All he knows is you don't want him to do it right now, ten minutes from now is a whole new situation.
     What I use mostly in my child-rearing now is patience.  Not always and not to perfection, but more than I ever imagined was possible in my "my-life-is-just-about-me" days.  I also rely pretty heavily on my easy-going nature.  You might want to take everything that's not a toy away from your toddler and tell him 'no' all day long, but I don't have the energy for that.  If it's not going to cause him bodily harm or bring harm to the actual object, I say let him have it.  If Caleb is fussy and all he wants is to carry my hairbrush around the house, I'm giving the kid the hairbrush.  If he wants to dig silverware out of the dishwasher while I'm trying to load it, I'm going to hand him a clean plastic spoon so he can run off with it like he stole it from Bed, Bath and Beyond.  I've figured out that the more they think they're not supposed to have it, the happier they are that they do.  Sounds like most adults I know, as well.
     Back to this not being me.  I mean, I know none of us think we will ever say the things our parents said to us and then we all eventually do.  But I guess I'm just thinking about things like the patience and how before I had kids, I had none.  For anyone or anything.  Joshua came along and all of a sudden the patience was never-ending.  Like I brought it home from the hospital with him.  It's stretched a little thin since then, but any time I make myself take a breath and a step back, I find it again.  I think it's powered by gratefulness, which is another thing I didn't possess as much of before kids (and Bobby).  I struggled for so long with finding any worth in myself that it was difficult being grateful for life in it's simplest form.  Air in my lungs, a roof over my head, etc.  But I was always grateful for the people in my life.  So when the people I love more than anything else came along, thankfulness began to spill out everywhere.  I think I was shocked at what I'd been given compared to what I thought I deserved.
     It's like with Joshua.  When he was born and wasn't breathing, those few minutes of silence were gut-wrenching.  All I wanted for the rest of my life was to hear that baby cry.  So when he did, I promised myself I would never be angry or impatient with his crying because it meant he was breathing.  And it still works every time.  Now that he is four and non-verbal, I've had people tell me, "Well when he finally starts to talk you'll be wishing he would stop."  And, yeah, I get the joke...but all I can think is, No...I won't.  I am going to let that little boy talk and talk and talk some more.  And when he's asked me twenty questions in twenty minutes I will still be thanking God that I can have a conversation with my baby.
     And with Caleb.  I think I get extra excited over every little 'first' because he's starting to do things that Joshua hasn't yet, which takes weight off of me with every milestone.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that all of this has made me more appreciative, more patient...more willing to hope and believe.  Being a mom has made me a better person.  If I'm being honest I would have to say that I never liked the idea of me being a mom becoming my identifier.  I didn't want that to be all my life was.  But now I'm realizing how it's impossible for it to not be.  It's so in me.  It literally IS what I am.  I know this must sound strange, but I just didn't expect to ever be Ok with feeling like a real mom.  I wanted to have children, and stay at home with them, and be a really awesome mom...I just didn't want to be a MOM-mom.  I don't even know how to explain that but there it is.  And guess what??  I'm a MOM-mom, now.  My life is my kids and I couldn't have it any other way.
   
   
   

"I Love..." Mondays: Southern Charm

     Well, I missed a few weeks of "I love..." posts so I wanted to make sure I got this one done.  Even if it's Tuesday.  Today it's all about the south.  I was born and raised right here in Southeast Texas and I love everything it's contributed to who I am now.  I decided to make this about the south and not just Texas since I've learned that some people consider us TexasProud folks obnoxious, but I'm pretty sure that's just because they are jealous.  Half the time other parts of the south don't even want to include Texas as part of the south.  Nevertheless, I'm including all of the south in the awesomeness.  To start off let me just say that as fiercely proud of being from the south as I am, that never includes the confederacy.  Sorry, I don't get down with slavery.  And I might have a little redneck in me, but you won't see any confederate flag tattoos, bumper stickers, t-shirts, etc. coming from this girl.  And you might want to consider what you're representing if you have any of these things in your possession.  Just a thought.
     Ok, on with the awesomeness.

• My first love has to be the simple fact that the south is so proud.  I don't mean proud as in arrogant like you might find some other places, but proud as in a pure appreciation.  I feel privileged like I'm part of a culture that is steeped in community, joy and love.
• Sweet.  Iced.  Tea.  'Nuff said.
• Football.  Without getting into specific teams, I just want to point out that we produce the best football players, with Texas leading the way.  Football is an essential part of southern culture.  I can't imagine my childhood without memories of adults in the living room screaming at the television at basically every family function.
• Southern food and all that it brings with it.  It's more than cholesterol and calories, it's community and family as well.
• Friendliness and manners.  We have the nicest drivers (Houston and Dallas notwithstanding) and strangers still wave "Hello" to each other.  People say, 'please', 'thank you', 'yes ma'am', 'no sir' and smile when they make eye contact.  I pray we aren't a dying breed.
• Whataburger, Sonic and Dairy Queen.  The Trifecta of southern fast food.
• You can basically wear flip-flops year round.  And that's because of...
• The weather.  I can't say I'm a fan all the time, but it's one of those things that makes home, home.  Horrible heat and humidity.  "In the south we mature quicker...I think it's the heat."--Blanche Devereaux
• Camouflage.  To specify...men in camouflage coveralls that just got done hunting or doing something extra manly.  Which brings me to...
• Manly men.  We have to have the largest population of truly resourceful men.  Car broke down?  Fallen tree across the road?  Need someone to take the fish you just caught off your line?  Have a slab of beef that looks like it belonged to Fred Flintstone you need cooked?  They can do it.  "We can skin a buck, we can run a trot line..." comes to mind.
• Blue Bell ice cream.  And the fact that southerners are so loyal to it.
• Rodeos conjoined with fairs.
• Cicadas.  Which, by the way, are NOT locusts.  Just so we're clear.
• Our drawl.  But not the way the rest of the country tries to stereotype anyone with that accent as a moron.  That's like saying everyone from England is a genius.
• In addition to the accent, we speak figuratively more than literally.  There's a saying for everything and  it doesn't matter if it doesn't make any literal sense.  Not only that, but we have whole words and phrases that just don't exist in the rest of the country.  "Y'all" is the obvious and my favorite.  But we also have "fixin'".  Not a shortened form of 'fixing' like someone would use to say they were repairing something, but 'fixin' as in, "I'm fixin' to run to the store for some boudain and roux, y'all want anything?"  We've been known to catch a whole 'mess' of fish and pass 'smooth' out.  One of the first times Bobby and I went to the mall together he asked me where he could find some "pajama britches" and I almost fell on the floor.
• We really appreciate a true raconteur.  I think my husband is one of the best I've ever met.
• All soft drinks are a "coke".  "What do you want to drink?"  "A coke."  "What kind?"  "Dr. Pepper."
• Big trucks.  Ridiculous...and also dead sexy.
• Bonfires.
• Back roads.
• Four-wheeling.     
• The countryside at dusk.

     Ok, that's all I got for now.  Anything else any of y'all southerners want to add to the list?

Sailing through the storm

     This is morning number four in what I'm calling The Great Routine Shift.  Joshua seems to be adjusting surprisingly well considering how different this is for him.  I, however, am not.  I am having a hard time going to bed earlier.  I've always been a night owl, and NEVER a morning person, so this will take some getting used to.  But with that being said, I am so excited for this new season.  I am so glad Joshua is finally getting some substantial help and that he really loves it.  In addition to the scholarship I talked about in my last post, we also found out this week that our insurance is going to start covering the ABA now, before the school is even finished being in-network with them.  This is AMAZING news because it means that now we will only have to be using the scholarship to pay for our co-pays, so it will last a lot longer.  Like, almost a year longer.

     It is finally starting to feel like we are transitioning out of the place where nothing goes our way and doors keep getting shut.  The clouds are beginning to open and I can see the tiniest ray of light starting to peek through.

     I heard this song yesterday and it reminded me so much of me and Bobby.  The details in the beginning aren't exact but the general message of the song feels so familiar.  We are coming up on our 5 year anniversary, and trust me, it has been a FULL five.  But there's no one I'd rather be facing the minefields and storms of life with than this awesome husband and father that I still can't believe God blessed me with.

Generation Rescue

I shared this on Facebook a week or so ago, but I wanted to post it here as well. I think it's a perfect summation of what the newest wave of Autism Awareness is focusing on and why. It's also an amazing organization if anyone is looking for a new charity.

JENNY McCARTHY » Generation Rescue | Jenny McCarthy's Autism Organization:

'via Blog this'

...but now I see.

"His disciples asked Him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?'  Jesus answered, 'It was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.'"
John 9: 2-3 AMP

     I LOVE this verse.  There are many times when I will go back to the gospels just to revisit the miracles Jesus did while He was on the earth, to remind myself that He never turned anyone away.  You won't be able to look through any of the four accounts of His life and find an example where someone came to Him with a need and He left them empty handed.  Even when He was rebuking the disciples' lack of faith, He couldn't stop from doing the will of the Father.  To me, this particular passage is evidence that it is ALWAYS God's will that we be healed.  The man wasn't born blind so that he would stay blind...so he could learn a lesson (although I'm sure he did).  No, when he was born blind, God had already set the plan for his healing into motion.  Through his healing, a world that had only known of God's awesome power and supreme authority as master of the universe was now going to be shown His character of compassion, mercy and unconditional love for His creation.  Jesus was saying if you want a picture of what the workings of God are, here you go...healing, deliverance, redemption.  This man was now a living testament of God's amazing grace. 
     Of course, before Jesus came along, he lived a long life as a blind beggar.  The Bible says he was blind from birth, but by this time, he was already a man, old enough to give his own account of what happened to the Pharisees.  We also know from scripture that his parents were devout Jews.  It makes me wonder...How many years had they mourned over their son's disability?  How long had it taken for guilt to consume them, assuring them that this was punishment for their sin?  If that was the first thing the disciples asked, then presumably, this was a common belief among the Jews.  Imagine Jesus coming along and revealing that they had carried that shame all that time for nothing.  I also noticed that the man says that before this happened no one had ever heard of someone who was born blind receiving their sight.  I don't know why, but it hadn't occurred to me that those kinds of miracles hadn't been done before Jesus.  Did his parents even pray for him to be healed?  I mean, if you've never even heard of God healing blindness, then how would you know you could ask for it?  It's interesting, because none of this mattered.  God had determined His glory was going to be shown through this man.  He was beginning to display His new covenant.  Heaven on earth.
     We have been in a real trying place in this journey with Joshua.  It's like the fire is getting turned up and it makes me wonder if maybe that means a breakthrough is right around the corner.  We had a major one last week and I haven't stopped thanking God since.  One of the hardest parts of all this is how difficult it is financially.  It is so sad to think that we now know so much more about treating and even healing Autism than we did even ten years ago and yet it's so expensive there has to be thousands of children falling through the cracks.  I have promised that one day when I am able I will do what I can to make sure parents won't have to choose between paying their necessary bills and getting their children the help they need.  Anyway, we had applied for a scholarship for Joshua's ABA and after thinking that we would never even hear back from the people, I got a phone call saying that we had been approved for a large sum of money.  The lady told me that we "just happened" to get our application in at the right time because they only have money to give at certain times of the year.  Not only that, but usually they use it to help families cover what insurance will not.  She told me that they would most likely work it out so that it would even cover our copays when the insurance finally kicks in.  I cried.  I'm crying again just thinking about it.  Jesus is so faithful.  EVERY time I've thrown my hands up and said, "Ok, it's all on You because we can't make this happen," He has come through above and beyond.  He's NEVER early, but He is always right on time.  This was just the extra boost I needed to remind me that this isn't forever.  One day we are going to reach the light at the end of this tunnel and be testaments of His amazing grace too.  The road is a hard one, and not one I would have chosen, but I know it isn't leading us to nowhere.  I know that even though there are eternal things being developed in me and my family right now, the ultimate purpose will be revealed when we get our miracle.  His glory will be seen.  And no one will be able to deny it.

"And when the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."--Relient K

"I Love..." Mondays

     So my computer crashed and it seems I have already gotten out of the habit of posting.  On top of my computer, Bobby's computer has been less than reliable on the internet connection situation for a while even though his is much newer than mine.  Anyway, it's working at the moment at least and I now have something to blog from because I do not consider an iPhone or the iPad to be viable options.  Sorry, Apple, I just don't.
     Now to explain my title...I've decided to start having a regular post about various things I love.  It would've been, "I Love..." Sundays but the aforementioned computer wasn't cooperating last night.  So, to start I thought  I might give a few different things I love as a sort of getting-to-know-me post.
   

• I love my family.  I know it's a given, but I still had to say it.  These three boys are my heart and I can't imagine this life without them.
• I love Joy Murphy.  We haven't been friends since childhood or anything, but it definitely feels that way sometimes.  We met five or six years ago and I have had the privilege of learning to navigate the winding and bumpy road of wifedom and motherhood with her.  She is a loyal, compassionate, honest person, who loves and extends mercy in a way only a true Jesus-disciple could.  If I didn't have her to vent to and laugh with, especially in this season of life, I might have gone crazy by now.
• I love food.  I, however, am not a foodie.  I would like to say that I am, but as anyone who knows me well could tell you, I'm too picky for that.  BUT, the food I do like, I like a lot.  I could probably eat pizza, for example, every day of my life.
• I love having a killer sense of smell.  Sometimes it's a curse, but it always makes me feel like a superhero.
• I love music.  And I don't mean, in the general, sure-everyone-loves-music kind of way.  I mean, I truly LOVE music.  As an art form and as one of the deepest avenues for communication.  Nothing can speak so pointedly as quickly as the right song in the right situation.  I'm convinced Heaven will be filled with it in ways none of us can imagine.
• I love fall weather.  It's my favorite season even though in southeast Texas we only get a few weeks of what you could call true autumn.  We mostly just have summer and winter with a transition and the transitions are what the rest of the country call spring and fall.  But it's my favorite, nonetheless.  Football, hoodies, bonfires and a good excuse for some gumbo.  I dare you to come up with something better than that.  Hint:  It doesn't exist.
• I love talking.  Let me rephrase...I love socializing.  Hmmm, let me rephrase again...I love socializing with one or two people at a time.  Maybe three or four.  I do not love big crowds, an anxiety I have to overcome when I attend a Frederick family gathering.  And it is a real anxiety.  Maybe not as much with family, but in public, absolutely.  Strangers in general tend to trigger a slight panic, so I typically become pretty awkward with new people.  I'm a small group kind of person.  Being able to have real conversation is my favorite way to unwind.
• I love the Bible.  And I don't mean I'm saying I love the Bible because I'm supposed to because that's what good little Christian girls say.  I really love it.  I can't pretend like I've been quite the student of it recently like I have in past years (years before a husband and children...not that they're an excuse), but it really doesn't get old to me.  Sure there are times I just simply don't feel like reading it...but when I do it anyway, I'm never disappointed.  I have to watch myself because I'm a bit of a nerd so I can get caught up in the history and knowledge of it all and be totally enthralled because I genuinely love learning...but that isn't the part that's fulfilling.  It can be interesting and even entertaining, but it's not feeding you unless it's revealing things to you.  Things you don't get by just reading what it says or even memorizing what it says, and where it says it.  I can know about God, or I can know God.  I want to know Him.  How would I ever have a real relationship with Bobby if I didn't ever sit down and spend time with him and hear his heart?  That's why I love the Word.  It's the Father's heartbeat.

     So there are a few to get you started...What are some things you love?