Emo Coaster

Tonight, I blog.

Lots of times, more so recently, I have to make myself sit down and write.  Then there are times like tonight, where the words and thoughts and ramblings are screaming to get out.  The emotional and mental overload is too much and I need a way to empty and restart.

I want to start off by saying I would hate for this blog to become my own personal pity party where everything I write about is how hard life is and blah blah blah.  If there's something I can't stand it's self-pity and a victim mentality.  There are just usually too many things in life to be thankful for when we measure it up against the grand scheme of things, and I hate wasting energy feeling sorry for myself.

Like right now, Joshua is doing so well.  He's said, "all done" MORE than once at school (side note: I use the term school loosely.  He doesn't attend a typical school, it's an all day ABA program that is basically year round) and is picking up the potty training more and more.  He's improving with his use of the picture system they created for him to communicate with and flies through any new programs they give him.

But then there's the flip side to that, which is what has me so needing to write.  His gut is in horrible shape and I'm having to decide whether or not to switch him back to only smoothies again.

And so it goes with this thing we call Autism, one step forward, two steps back.

Over and over and over again.

If there was ever a life issue that was an emotional roller coaster, this is it.  Something happens that gives my faith a boost, and then that thing seemingly evaporates.  Or we have a stretch where it feels like we aren't making any progress, and then all of a sudden Joshua does something big and I'm encouraged right when I need it.  Up and down and backwards and around.

I know people wonder why I am doing any of this at all...why I refuse to accept that this is just the way life will be for him...but I'm not sure how anyone who is a parent could ask that question.  You never quit fighting for your kids.  You just don't.

And then there's this:
"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."  John 10:10 AMP

That is our promise if we believe it.  I wouldn't have chosen this ride but I'm thankful for the hope I have for an end.

I mean, after all, you don't jump off a roller coaster right in the middle because you're scared, that would be worse than finishing.  So you white-knuckle that bar, scream like a pansy, possibly vomit or wet yourself or both, and just ride that baby to the end.  And once it's over, it doesn't seem like it was so bad after all and you're off to the next one.

Great, now I have Red Hot Chili Peppers stuck in my head...