Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Grass Story

This post is late because I meant to post it for Bobby's birthday. He turned thirty-old and I thought instead of posting some mushy gushy stuff about how much I love him and can't believe I got him and blah blah blah (y'all know all that by now anyway), that I would post one of his favorite stories to tell about me. He thinks it's hilarious and for some reason thinks he needs to share it with everyone. Plus, I start feeling like my blog is too serious all of the time and if you know me as a person you know that in real life I am actually pretty obsessed with laughing and humor in general. Some of you know this story already so you can just like, go read another blog or something. Try because she's awesome.

Now for the infamous grass story:

When we moved into this house the backyard had some issues with the grass. You could see toward the back by the fence where they had simply quit laying sod and portions of the yard were a completely different type of grass like they had spread seed and laid squares in random spots. So being the perfectionist that Bobby is, he set about getting some sod to fill out the yard. If you are unfamiliar with how sod looks it is basically little squares of already grown grass stacked in a big square on a pallet.
Like this:

We ordered two pallets from a familiar landscaping company and were told that they would be dropping the grass off on one day and laying it another day. This part of the story is kinda fuzzy in my mommy-memory because I definitely remember attempting to help Bobby lay squares of grass in the back yard so I think we must have eventually got more and did the work ourselves. But I digress. At some point I pulled up to the house after picking Joshua up one afternoon and discovered our grass pallets had been delivered.  Now this is where the explanation for my later behavior comes into play.  To (sort of) illustrate I have drawn a sketch of our front yard to reenact what was perpetrated.  Yes, it's in crayon.
First of all, ignore the third tree because after I drew this I walked past the front door and realized that we actually only have two. Secondly, I would like you to examine this fine drawing and assess in your mind where you might place two pallets of grass if you were a real life landscaper. 

I have now altered the drawing to show you where this grass was actually left.

The gentle, pink question marks represent the many areas of our yard that would have been acceptable options. The aggressive, red, treasure map style "X"'s are where it was actually left (it wasn't like finding treasure at all though). If you can't tell it is on the curb where someone might leave, Oh, I don't know, trash.

I immediately called Bobby to explain to him what happened...that these grass people had left our product out on the curb like it was there for the taking. It was supposed to rain that night, what if it fell into the street?  What if some unruly neighborhood youths walked by and knocked it over because they thought it was weird and uncool that someone had two piles of grass randomly sitting on the curb? What if a distracted, texting driver veered onto the sidewalk and ran it over? And most likely of all...What if someone came by and stole it because it looked like we didn't want it? I mean, after all, it was on the side of the road!  (In hindsight I can look back and see all of these questions may have been an overreaction, but the whole thing did seem like a total lack of common sense.  I mean, in my defense.) 

Much to my surprise Bobby was not at all bothered by this like I was.  I expected him to agree and call the guys who delivered it and tell them they needed to move it.  Instead he assured me that it was fine, no one was going to steal our grass, and not to worry about it.

The next morning I get up to take Joshua to school and as I walk out to the car what do I see?  Not two pallets of grass where they were left on the side of the road, but only one and a half pallets of grass.  That's right!  Someone had actually stolen half of one of our pallets!

I told that man this would happen but he didn't listen and now what?  We weren't paying for it.  After all, they never should have left it there to begin with!  So, as I pulled away from the house I called Bobby and told him what I saw, which seemed to confuse him since he had been so sure no one would want to take our grass the night before.  He said he would call them and let me know what they said.  I dropped Joshua off, headed home, and as I pulled back into the driveway...y'all aren't going to believe this...the rest of the pallet that had been stolen from was now completely gone.  I'm not even joking.  Bobby had never called me back to tell me what the landscapers had told him so at this point I was livid.  Not only had I warned him this would happen if the grass was left on the curb, but now that it was being taken from our house right in broad daylight, he wasn't even concerned enough about it to follow through on a phone call.  I called him back and the conversation that followed went something like this:

Bobby:  Hello?
Me:  The rest of that pallet is gone!  
Bobby:  What?!
Me:  I told you this was going to happen!
Bobby:  Sarah, why are you letting them steal our grass?!
Me: (confused)  What?!?  What do you mean why am I letting them steal it?  
Bobby:  Sarah, you cannot let them come and take any more of that grass!!
Me:  (pissed)  Bobby, it's not my fault you thought it would be fine on the curb.  How am I going to stop anyone from taking anything?
Bobby:  Sarah, go get my gun and stand out in the yard and guard those pallets!  If someone comes up you do not let them take any more grass!!  
Me:  Well, I'm glad you think this is funny.  We are not paying for this.  It's their fault.  I TOLD YOU...
(more laughter...from more than one person)
Me:  What is going on?  
Bobby:  (laughing hysterically)  Baby, the landscapers are the ones coming by and taking the grass.  They needed more for a job around the corner so they just came and got some of ours.  No one is stealing our grass.

And that's also when I realized he had me on speakerphone for all of the guys in his office to hear.  To this day whenever I am at a work function of his this story comes up.  Honestly though, when the grass was disappearing what other explanation could I have come up with?  I'm not a landscaper for goodness' sake, I don't know their policies for all of the willy-nilly comings and goings of their grass pallets.  It's not like they left a note or anything.

"Hey, don't trip out.  We'll bring back the rest later.  Sincerely, Local Landscapers"

I'm just saying a note would have been nice.  They owed me after dropping it off on the curb like we don't live in a neighborhood with an H.O.A.  

The moral of the story?  If you love your husband, you let him laugh at your crazy-person behavior and eventually learn to laugh at it with him.  

Happy (late) Birthday, Baby :)  XOXO