Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sailing through the storm

     This is morning number four in what I'm calling The Great Routine Shift.  Joshua seems to be adjusting surprisingly well considering how different this is for him.  I, however, am not.  I am having a hard time going to bed earlier.  I've always been a night owl, and NEVER a morning person, so this will take some getting used to.  But with that being said, I am so excited for this new season.  I am so glad Joshua is finally getting some substantial help and that he really loves it.  In addition to the scholarship I talked about in my last post, we also found out this week that our insurance is going to start covering the ABA now, before the school is even finished being in-network with them.  This is AMAZING news because it means that now we will only have to be using the scholarship to pay for our co-pays, so it will last a lot longer.  Like, almost a year longer.
     It is finally starting to feel like we are transitioning out of the place where nothing goes our way and doors keep getting shut.  The clouds are beginning to open and I can see the tiniest ray of light starting to peek through.
     I heard this song yesterday and it reminded me so much of me and Bobby.  The details in the beginning aren't exact but the general message of the song feels so familiar.  We are coming up on our 5 year anniversary, and trust me, it has been a FULL five.  But there's no one I'd rather be facing the minefields and storms of life with than this awesome husband and father that I still can't believe God blessed me with.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Generation Rescue

I shared this on Facebook a week or so ago, but I wanted to post it here as well. I think it's a perfect summation of what the newest wave of Autism Awareness is focusing on and why. It's also an amazing organization if anyone is looking for a new charity.

JENNY McCARTHY » Generation Rescue | Jenny McCarthy's Autism Organization:

'via Blog this'

Sunday, October 16, 2011

...but now I see.

"His disciples asked Him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?'  Jesus answered, 'It was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.'"
John 9: 2-3 AMP

     I LOVE this verse.  There are many times when I will go back to the gospels just to revisit the miracles Jesus did while He was on the earth, to remind myself that He never turned anyone away.  You won't be able to look through any of the four accounts of His life and find an example where someone came to Him with a need and He left them empty handed.  Even when He was rebuking the disciples' lack of faith, He couldn't stop from doing the will of the Father.  To me, this particular passage is evidence that it is ALWAYS God's will that we be healed.  The man wasn't born blind so that he would stay he could learn a lesson (although I'm sure he did).  No, when he was born blind, God had already set the plan for his healing into motion.  Through his healing, a world that had only known of God's awesome power and supreme authority as master of the universe was now going to be shown His character of compassion, mercy and unconditional love for His creation.  Jesus was saying if you want a picture of what the workings of God are, here you go...healing, deliverance, redemption.  This man was now a living testament of God's amazing grace. 
     Of course, before Jesus came along, he lived a long life as a blind beggar.  The Bible says he was blind from birth, but by this time, he was already a man, old enough to give his own account of what happened to the Pharisees.  We also know from scripture that his parents were devout Jews.  It makes me wonder...How many years had they mourned over their son's disability?  How long had it taken for guilt to consume them, assuring them that this was punishment for their sin?  If that was the first thing the disciples asked, then presumably, this was a common belief among the Jews.  Imagine Jesus coming along and revealing that they had carried that shame all that time for nothing.  I also noticed that the man says that before this happened no one had ever heard of someone who was born blind receiving their sight.  I don't know why, but it hadn't occurred to me that those kinds of miracles hadn't been done before Jesus.  Did his parents even pray for him to be healed?  I mean, if you've never even heard of God healing blindness, then how would you know you could ask for it?  It's interesting, because none of this mattered.  God had determined His glory was going to be shown through this man.  He was beginning to display His new covenant.  Heaven on earth.
     We have been in a real trying place in this journey with Joshua.  It's like the fire is getting turned up and it makes me wonder if maybe that means a breakthrough is right around the corner.  We had a major one last week and I haven't stopped thanking God since.  One of the hardest parts of all this is how difficult it is financially.  It is so sad to think that we now know so much more about treating and even healing Autism than we did even ten years ago and yet it's so expensive there has to be thousands of children falling through the cracks.  I have promised that one day when I am able I will do what I can to make sure parents won't have to choose between paying their necessary bills and getting their children the help they need.  Anyway, we had applied for a scholarship for Joshua's ABA and after thinking that we would never even hear back from the people, I got a phone call saying that we had been approved for a large sum of money.  The lady told me that we "just happened" to get our application in at the right time because they only have money to give at certain times of the year.  Not only that, but usually they use it to help families cover what insurance will not.  She told me that they would most likely work it out so that it would even cover our copays when the insurance finally kicks in.  I cried.  I'm crying again just thinking about it.  Jesus is so faithful.  EVERY time I've thrown my hands up and said, "Ok, it's all on You because we can't make this happen," He has come through above and beyond.  He's NEVER early, but He is always right on time.  This was just the extra boost I needed to remind me that this isn't forever.  One day we are going to reach the light at the end of this tunnel and be testaments of His amazing grace too.  The road is a hard one, and not one I would have chosen, but I know it isn't leading us to nowhere.  I know that even though there are eternal things being developed in me and my family right now, the ultimate purpose will be revealed when we get our miracle.  His glory will be seen.  And no one will be able to deny it.

"And when the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."--Relient K

Monday, October 3, 2011

"I Love..." Mondays

     So my computer crashed and it seems I have already gotten out of the habit of posting.  On top of my computer, Bobby's computer has been less than reliable on the internet connection situation for a while even though his is much newer than mine.  Anyway, it's working at the moment at least and I now have something to blog from because I do not consider an iPhone or the iPad to be viable options.  Sorry, Apple, I just don't.
     Now to explain my title...I've decided to start having a regular post about various things I love.  It would've been, "I Love..." Sundays but the aforementioned computer wasn't cooperating last night.  So, to start I thought  I might give a few different things I love as a sort of getting-to-know-me post.

  • I love my family.  I know it's a given, but I still had to say it.  These three boys are my heart and I can't imagine this life without them.
  • I love Joy Murphy.  We haven't been friends since childhood or anything, but it definitely feels that way sometimes.  We met five or six years ago and I have had the privilege of learning to navigate the winding and bumpy road of wifedom and motherhood with her.  She is a loyal, compassionate, honest person, who loves and extends mercy in a way only a true Jesus-disciple could.  If I didn't have her to vent to and laugh with, especially in this season of life, I might have gone crazy by now.
  • I love food.  I, however, am not a foodie.  I would like to say that I am, but as anyone who knows me well could tell you, I'm too picky for that.  BUT, the food I do like, I like a lot.  I could probably eat pizza, for example, every day of my life.
  • I love having a killer sense of smell.  Sometimes it's a curse, but it always makes me feel like a superhero.
  • I love music.  And I don't mean, in the general, sure-everyone-loves-music kind of way.  I mean, I truly LOVE music.  As an art form and as one of the deepest avenues for communication.  Nothing can speak so pointedly as quickly as the right song in the right situation.  I'm convinced Heaven will be filled with it in ways none of us can imagine.
  • I love fall weather.  It's my favorite season even though in southeast Texas we only get a few weeks of what you could call true autumn.  We mostly just have summer and winter with a transition and the transitions are what the rest of the country call spring and fall.  But it's my favorite, nonetheless.  Football, hoodies, bonfires and a good excuse for some gumbo.  I dare you to come up with something better than that.  Hint:  It doesn't exist.
  • I love talking.  Let me rephrase...I love socializing.  Hmmm, let me rephrase again...I love socializing with one or two people at a time.  Maybe three or four.  I do not love big crowds, an anxiety I have to overcome when I attend a Frederick family gathering.  And it is a real anxiety.  Maybe not as much with family, but in public, absolutely.  Strangers in general tend to trigger a slight panic, so I typically become pretty awkward with new people.  I'm a small group kind of person.  Being able to have real conversation is my favorite way to unwind.
  • I love the Bible.  And I don't mean I'm saying I love the Bible because I'm supposed to because that's what good little Christian girls say.  I really love it.  I can't pretend like I've been quite the student of it recently like I have in past years (years before a husband and children...not that they're an excuse), but it really doesn't get old to me.  Sure there are times I just simply don't feel like reading it...but when I do it anyway, I'm never disappointed.  I have to watch myself because I'm a bit of a nerd so I can get caught up in the history and knowledge of it all and be totally enthralled because I genuinely love learning...but that isn't the part that's fulfilling.  It can be interesting and even entertaining, but it's not feeding you unless it's revealing things to you.  Things you don't get by just reading what it says or even memorizing what it says, and where it says it.  I can know about God, or I can know God.  I want to know Him.  How would I ever have a real relationship with Bobby if I didn't ever sit down and spend time with him and hear his heart?  That's why I love the Word.  It's the Father's heartbeat.
     So there are a few to get you started...What are some things you love?