Sunday, September 18, 2011

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Most of the time my days are pretty uneventful.  Today was in the 'most' category, but I did take a little mental inventory of things and thought I might share some of the highlights of this ordinary day.

  • Today the phrase, "Oh, look at that good-lookin' poop!" came out of my mouth.  I giggled and considered how strange that might sound if someone happened to be ear-hustlin' (my friend's phrase for eavesdropping that I've stolen) my conversations with my four year old.
  • Today Joshua "kissed" me.  He hasn't done this in weeks.  And yesterday (yeah I know I'm cheating) he chose between two movies by pointing/tapping the one he wanted.  I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but for him it is.  He pulls us to things he wants and even brings things to us, but he has never pointed at anything.  This time, he was holding three (he likes to play in the DVDs) and I grabbed one and asked him if he wanted to watch it and then he tapped one in his lap.  It's small, but it lifted me up a little.
  • Today I cooked chicken parmesan for dinner for about the fourth time and still overcooked the chicken. I'm always so scared it's going to be raw in the middle that I leave it in too long.
  • Today I shaved my legs.  Yep, that's headline news around here.
  • Today I got to drive to the store after Bobby got home and it's been so long since I was out in public, I felt like I was on vacation.  I might be making a trip out to Hardin to see my Happy Murphy soon.
  • Today I realized that Jessie May McGillicuddy is going to be in Texas tomorrow!  And then I peed my pants.  Not really.  But I was THAT excited.
  • Today I had a revelation while reading Matthew.  It's probably one of those things that is only a revelation to me, but it felt like a light got flicked on and I saw something new in a place I'd been a hundred times.  It reminded me that the Word is living and always speaking, and how badly I need it every day.  
  • Today (Ok, this is the serious bullet) I found out that Canada has laws for infanticide like they do abortion.  They have almost no restrictions on abortions, so if someone wants one they can very easily get one.  But if they don't, they can almost just as easily kill the baby and, by merely citing some form of distress over having a child, they can literally get away with it with zero jail time.  To this day, only one case of infanticide in Canada has resulted in jail time.  I cried.  I wanted to vomit.  And I begged God for mercy and for this nation to realize that this is the next step after free-for-all abortion laws.  This isn't some communist, dictator-run country.  This isn't a developing, poor country.  This isn't some tribe out in the bush of Africa.  This is Canada, one of the countries we consider to be most like us.  I am honestly still so distraught over it, I just want to curl up into a ball and weep.  The injustice is heart-breaking.
  • Today I looked at myself and praised God for the privilege to come boldly to the throne of grace.  And remembered that it's His mercy alone that covers all my crap.  
"The saying is sure and true and worthy of full and universal acceptance, that Christ Jesus (the Messiah) came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am foremost."  1Timothy 1:15 AMP

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Gardisil contaminated...Shocker.

     I found this article this morning...if this doesn't start opening some eyes, I honestly don't know what will.  This kind of information coming out into the public is an awesome thing, but, oh Lord, does it make me angry.  There are too many children being affected by too many diseases, not just autism, but juvenile diabetes, cancers, and rheumatoid arthritis as well.  When is the public going to quit believing the supposed "research" of companies and organizations that profit from the manufacturing of these vaccines?  The fact that this article shows they didn't do very much research on the effects, short-term or long-term, before pushing the vaccine should tell us something.  It is the same for nearly every vaccine we use today, including especially every new brand of flu shot that comes out each year.  It's even been alleged that the H1N1 strand was hyped as a marketing ploy...and I'm just crazy enough to believe it.  We, as a society, need to start opening up our minds to the possibility that these vaccines are just plain not as safe as we are led to believe they are.  Period.  Educate yourself and learn about your rights as a parent to refuse or delay immunizations.

Lab finds HPV DNA in Blood of Gardasil Recipient 2 Years Post-Vaccination - AGE OF AUTISM:

Monday, September 12, 2011 him who believes

Mark 9:23-24

23 And Jesus said, [You say to Me], If You can do anything? [Why,] all things can be (are possible) to him who believes!
24 At once the father of the boy gave [an eager, piercing, inarticulate] cry with tears, and he said, Lord, I believe! [Constantly] help my weakness of faith!

     Most days...that's me.  Truthfully, I can't read this story (and a handful of others) at this point in my life without crying.  The father's desperation here nearly knocks the wind out of me.  I know that desperation.  It seems it has been my constant companion for the last year or so.  This urgency down in my gut that is constantly gnawing and stirring and moves me to action when I would rather stick my head in the sand or simply run away.  As unsettling as it is, it keeps my faith alert, and apathy at bay.
     Many people might say the man was being double-minded here, but I disagree.  I think he was being human.  But a more mature human than most of us, because he acknowledged how possible it was that he lacked perfection in this area.  I think he was saying, "If it's possible with belief, I absolutely believe.  But help me cover all my bases and fill whatever holes there are in my belief."  He knew even faith in God, is sometimes difficult without His help.  He knew what I am learning, that faith is the harder, less traveled road.  Although it may seem like people who believe in miracles are living in LaLa Land and are refusing to face the truth, it's actually the exact opposite of that.  NOT having faith is easier.  
    Think about it...What's hard about looking at circumstances and agreeing with them?  It's hard fact right in front of you.  There's nothing difficult about believing what you can see with your natural eyes.  No, what's hard is looking at symptoms 24 hours a day and forcing yourself to choose to believe that they won't be there forever.  That one day, quite possibly today, the situation is going to change, despite what most doctors or therapists would tell you.  Reconciling your emotions and your core beliefs is hard.  Daring to say I don't believe God made my child this way to teach me a lesson, I believe my child is this way because this world is broken, but God will heal him and work this together for all of our hard.  Everything about faith is hard because it goes against our base nature.  And as humans, we tend to stay away from things that are hard.
     Unfortunately, the hard things, are usually the most rewarding.  Nothing that's really worth anything comes easily.  And there is nothing that God rewards more than faith.  When Israel was in the wilderness, it wasn't their constant murmuring and complaining about how difficult the journey was or even their blatant attempt to return to idolatry by squandering their inheritance on a golden calf that kept them from the promised land.  It was their refusal to believe that what God said He gave them, was really theirs.  It was only when they determined the giants in the land to be bigger than His promise to them, that they didn't get to cross over the Jordan.  
     My spirit believes, but Lord Jesus help my human frailty and unbelief.

Rom 4:20-21

20 No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, 
21 Fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Are you ready...?

     I don't have anything particular to write about today, but I felt like writing anyway, so here I am.  It's my blog, I can do things like that.  Plus, free association is one of my favorite ways to write.  You just never know what will come out, and that is also what makes it the most cathartic.  Tonight I'm not feeling so deep or profound, though.  I've found that with everything going on with Joshua, it's sort of necessary for my sanity to have some inconsequential things in my life to keep me distracted.  Apparently, sometimes a little bit of distraction is a good thing.
     So as I'm sitting here winding down from this uneventful day, I find myself utterly jubilant over what tomorrow brings...wait for it...NFL Football!  That's right, people!  Tomorrow will mark the very first game of the regular season of 2011 and I cannot wait.  Then Saturday is week two of NCAA Football which I am also THRILLED about because we missed the first week of Longhorn football due to a bureaucratic oversight which is too much of a rant for me to go into now.  And then Sunday and Monday bring more NFL and right in the middle of all of it is the best part...Fantasy Football.  Yes, I play Fantasy Football.  And I have to say I have done pretty well for only having two seasons under my belt before this one.  If you are not a football fan, you really should consider becoming one.  In recent polls it's become the new favorite past time of America (over baseball), and if it hadn't began so long ago, you would think it was made for television.  I grew up watching it, but didn't become as die hard as I am now until I met Bobby.  He reintroduced me to the NFL, introduced me for the first time to College (which I would choose over the NFL if I had to now), and filled in the holes on rules and whatnot.  One thing about is probably one of the most complicated of sports. But man oh man, if you ever get that first's like sports meth.  I'm convinced that's why it has the shortest season of any other sport.  If it was as long as baseball or basketball, they would have to have football rehab.  People would be quitting their jobs, and neglecting their children over being able to see the next game.  It's that addicting.
     Suffice it to say, I love football.  If you are a female who has a boyfriend or husband who loves it as well, I encourage you to make an attempt to enjoy it also.  Especially if this is the beginning of your relationship.  I honestly don't know how this would have worked if I adamantly hated and protested watching football.  It actually might not have.  It really has become one of our favorite things we do together.  I was reading a piece of another blog a while back where a girl was beginning to try and break down the game for other women who wanted to watch it with their men, but couldn't understand it.  I might attempt to do that if enough of you are interested??  I might do it even if you aren't.  Ya know why?  Because I love talking about football that much (in case you haven't already noticed).
     I think I might make this a regular thing here (not the football, I've moved on...geez, keep up).  I'll write once a week or so about something I love.  Which reminds me, I apologize for the emptiness of my blog thus far.  I do realize it's basically just my ramblings and nothing else.  I would like to have different links for various references and some general design and prettiness, but I am very nearly computer illiterate.  So if any of you would like to offer up your services, I would be extremely grateful.  Um, your Graphic Design services, I mean.  Also, I am just learning about how to store pictures and videos and that sort of thing so please bear with me.
     So... anyone else ready for some football??

Eccl 5:20
 For he shall not much remember [seriously] the days of his life, because God [Himself] answers and corresponds to the joy of his heart [the tranquillity of God is mirrored in him].

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Picking up the Slack

Matt 11:28-30

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. [Jer 6:16.]
30 For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good — not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.

Our Labor Day was pretty laborious. I tried to remind Bobby that this wasn't what the holiday is really for, but it didn't matter. He left Sunday morning to "run" to the store for a couple things we needed, and came back with a steam cleaner he had rented. What's more is that I know he planned it before he left because he took my vehicle so he would have room to load the machine up and bring it home. For some reason, he didn't feel the need to let me know what he had in mind for the day until he was back and it was too late. The thing you should know about Bobby and I, is that he is the clean one and I am the...not as clean one. It's not that I don't care about things being clean, I prefer them that way,'s just that I don't put it as such a high priority in my mental list of things that are important. I can leave it for another time. Bobby can't function until he has cleaned what he has noticed needs cleaning. It's pathological really, but he doesn't seem to notice or care that he has a problem. And so here we are, vacuuming and moving furniture and picking up toys and the carpet.
To be fair, he really did the actual cleaning part. I prepped the area to be cleaned, but together we successfully cleaned all of the carpet in our house. I should back up and state that this is one of those things that was a legitimate chore. We have two small children and the people before us had teenagers and a dog. I shouldn't have to say any more about how dirty the carpet was. So even though it wasn't what I had in mind for my Sunday, I felt really accomplished after it was finished. It looks better than it did when we moved in. Plus, we were reminded once again that we work great together as a team. I think we could go on a reality show and kill.
I guess what I'm saying is that we balance each other out. And if there's any guideline I try to use as a check for my thoughts/beliefs/perceptions, it's balance. I think I lived my life in extremes for so long, I crave a middle road. I'm not talking about compromise in the sense that we water down our beliefs, I'm talking about weighing everything on each side. One thing you learn from being too heavy on a particular side of something, is that it leaves plenty of room for error or lack and/or no room for justice and mercy. Mercy is the level that evens out imbalance. What I mean, is that the farther we are from the middle, the more critical we are of others on the other side. Take the cleaning thing with Bobby and I. It's not a terribly serious issue, but if we don't allow the other side to balance us some, it can become one. Criticism and resentment could develop on either side because neither of us will weigh the validity of the other's view. And honestly, we have both been guilty of doing this sort of thing over various disagreements since we've been married. It's like a seesaw, if one of you tries to jump off before you're both touching the ground, someone is going to get hurt.
This is why I am so thankful for the mercy of God that brings balance to all of my disproportion. All of my shortcomings and lopsidedness are evened out by His grace. I was reminded of this today when I was thinking about all the times when I felt guilty I wasn't giving enough attention to either Joshua or Caleb, something I have battled since the day Caleb was born. I heard that still, small voice say, "Don't worry, it's Ok. I pick up all of your slack." I was overwhelmed with the simplicity. Whenever I am focused on how I never seem to measure up, His judgement sweeps in and doesn't condemn, but covers me in His righteousness. This is the truest form of rest, for me. My mind is at peace and free from labor because everything I can't do, He can. And whenever I'm off balance, He is there with a just weight, to even things out and keep me going.

Rom 8:34

34 Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us?