3 Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.
4 But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.
It's Sunday night, all three of my boys are in bed, and I'm sitting here in peace and quiet watching The Golden Girls. A perfect ending to a surprisingly enjoyable weekend. Perfect because, well, what is perfection if it isn't Betty White? And surprising because it followed the week from Hell...as my mother-in-law would call it. Apparently, I wasn't the only one ready to shave my head and run screaming through the streets this week. Isn't it funny how we're always shocked to find out we aren't the only ones with problems? Anyway, it was stressful for me to say the least. Definitely one of the deep parts of this trial and proving of my faith.
We started Joshua on that diet I mentioned in my last post and it's not going so well. And that's putting it mildly. The child has not had a bite of solid food since last Monday night. He is drinking diluted juice and fruit smoothies only. This accounts for the part of the week where I had my monthly meltdown. Joy and I were commiserating on how embarrassed we always feel after a good breakdown, and I said I feel that way even when no one is around to see it. I want so badly to be that strong mom from the movies. You know the one. The one you see in some Lifetime movie (that you're only really watching because there's nothing on t.v. and that song from the trailer keeps getting stuck in your head) who is going through some crisis in her family where she is the tough, strong one holding everyone else together. But what I've noticed from these movies is this: The characters are inevitably allowed one good, hysterical, crying fit about three quarters of the way through. Also, movies most usually do not do a great job of reflecting real life. So, after some imaginary calculations I decided one huge meltdown a month and then two smaller ones somewhere in between are sufficient.
All of that being said, this one lasted for a few days off and on. Joshua was refusing food all week even though I knew he was starving and on top of that Bobby and I had an appointment Friday to meet with a new "school" for Joshua. My brain was on overload and my emotions were fried. I am not the best wife when I'm in this state. I previously thought the statistic for divorce rates among parents of children with ASD was 80%. But I found this information that suggests that number is far from the truth, though couples do go through difficult trials as a result of this diagnosis. There's that word again...'trials'. Anyway, Bobby and I have not been immune to this commonality. Men and women react differently, the end. But, I'm bringing this up because I believe we are reaching a turning point. We are both realizing that despite our communication breakdown and super-charged emotions over the subject, our end goal for Joshua is the same. And instead of taking our frustrations with the circumstances out on each other, our energy is better invested toward that common goal. This was the beginning to the surprisingly enjoyable weekend I mentioned earlier. We didn't do much, as this new diet and the general routine of our daily lives doesn't allow for many outings, but we enjoyed each other. I don't know how to explain it, except to say that it felt so much more like normal than things have in a long time. Our normal isn't the typical normal, of course. For example, today Joshua pooped six times total, and the last one I had to clean out of the carpet, but I was so happy over the fact that all six were perfectly normal and not diarrhea, that the carpet cleaning didn't phase me one bit. Normal poop is not very normal for us, you see.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I recognized once again, why I'm so thankful for this awesome man I call my husband. This situation has nearly broken both of us, but when we have these times where I remember I'm part of a team, it makes reality more bearable and hope seem more within reach. I feel stronger...and blessed beyond comprehension because I don't have to walk this road alone. I love you, Bobby!
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (separate).