Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Middle... Part 1

Heb 6:19

19 [Now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot break down under whoever steps out upon it — a hope] that reaches farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] within the veil,

     A bunch of you are probably wondering why it took me so long to get to this next part.  Well, first of all, we've been in a transition and finding the time and resources (internet) to do so has been pretty difficult.  But mostly, I have to be honest, this next part is somewhat overwhelming to me.  I have a lot of ground to cover but at the same time I don't want this to turn into a book least not yet ;)  So bear with me and I'll try to do this as painlessly as possible.  Also, when I get this history part over, it won't be taking me as long in between posts.

     Right in the middle of all of this, I became pregnant with our second child.  He was planned and we definitely had to try a lot longer for him than we did with Joshua.  We always said we wanted at least two kids.  I had always wanted four boys but something about that first time around changed my mind immediately.  Maybe it was the sickness, exhaustion, constant urination or maddening back pain.  Maybe it was the horrendous delivery.  Who knows, but by the time Joshua was here, I was doing good to agree to a second one.  We were thrilled when we found out we were about to complete our little family with another boy, and eventually agreed that the name Caleb was fitting.  I mean, Joshua and Caleb living on The Promised Land?  How could I pass that up?
     But before he was born, the anxiety over Joshua and what was really going on with him hit me full force.  Naturally, I started questioning all kinds of things we don't want to admit we question in the privacy of our own head.  Like, did we make a mistake having another child in the middle of all this?  Would he have the same issues as Joshua?  How would we be able to split our attention between the two when Joshua was already requiring more than a typical child (forget that we hadn't even stepped into the next phase where our whole lives were turned upside-down)?  But somehow I managed to push all of those doubts down with the knowledge that no matter what happened, God was still on the throne and still in control.  It was all gonna be ok and no amount of worrying would change anything anyway.  And then, along the way, I was just overcome with peace that this was going to be Joshua's journey and not Caleb's.  I have little worries shoot through my mind (as I'm sure any mother would), but I still believe that today.
     So, when I was about eight months pregnant and trying to figure out what our next step with Joshua was going to be, I had, what I consider to be, a divine appointment.  Even though I had crossed paths with this person many times before, we had never formally met.  This particular day, a conversation was spurred by a comment my mother-in-law had made from the pulpit about how we were believing for a miracle for her grandson.  A subject she had never mentioned in public before that time, by the way.  This woman asked if it was ok for her to ask what had been going on with Joshua.  I told her simply that he was almost three and wasn't talking yet.  She asked me a couple more questions and then began to tell me about her son, who at 5 years old had the speech level of a two and a half year old.  He had also been diagnosed with PDD-NOS and she began doing a lot of research.  They found out that he had a severe Zinc deficiency and once he was supplemented, his language exploded.  A year later he had the speech level of a six and a half year old.  The zinc supplementation (along with tons of other vitamins, supplements and therapies) are part of what I didn't know at the time, but now know is biomedical intervention.  It sounded unbelievable to me.  She then started asking me seemingly odd questions about not only his behavior, but his eating habits, sleeping patterns, and even bowel movements.  Even more odd, she seemed to know the answers before I gave them.  She told me that there has been much progress lately with children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder or developmental delay and through different interventions, some children are recovering, even to the point of losing their diagnosis.  Sounds amazing, right?  Well, if I'm being honest, the only thing I could really focus on was the "A" word and I knew I didn't want to go anywhere near that direction.  Not only would Bobby freak out, but there was no way Joshua fit into that group. Up to this point, that subject had been brought up and skirted around by different people, but I never bought into it.  I mean, kids with autism aren't affectionate, they rock back and forth, they scream and throw tantrums all the time, they're even violent.  Joshua was none of those things.  Even his pediatrician asked me questions that I knew were to screen for autism, but seemed satisfied that he was fine.  So maybe a small part was denial, but a large part of my stance at this point was ignorance.  Plain and simple.
     Besides, I wasn't going to speak something like that over my child.  I needed to stay in faith, not doubt.  If I refused to label him with a diagnosis, that diagnosis couldn't overtake him.
     Nope.  Apparently, not how it works.  If someone has cancer, it's a fact.  They have cancer.  BUT, here's how it DOES work.  There are facts and we have to recognize these circumstances as reality.  But there is also an absolute truth.  When we say, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN..." we are invoking this absolute truth.  The truth in Heaven is different than our truth, and as believers in the resurrection power of Jesus, we have access to that truth.  So, Heaven can come to earth in our personal circumstances and override what the natural facts are telling us.
     But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
     After I thought about it for a while, I decided I would email her and get some more information.  I mean, she did say they treated for developmental delays and he definitely fit into that category.  And we were running out of options.